Since the release of ‘A Deepened Hunger’ the longing to identify with Lucian Monroe’s past has grown. Continue reading and enjoy this special addition of the vampire’s personal journal~
D. A. Berry
Through the centuries, many believed…
Existing as the undead, a vampire seldom reveals their human emotions, their love towards another individual merely expressed in secret. Unmasked feelings are only penned in ink, needing to appease a loneliness which tears apart the soul.
Christmas Eve, 2004
Hidden in darkness, I listen to the church bells chime, honoring his birth. An ache crushes my soul as I watch her from afar. I touch her mind in secret, for I must ease her pain, a pain the evil of our kind has caused. Night after night I sense her sadness growing more and more. For the one she loves is unable to accept the change within her. Again, I ask myself, did I make the right decision, knowing my heart controlled my thinking that October night? For all eternity, I shall love her, not caring that Jordan Pierce Shayne’s heart belongs to another. Centuries later, I truly understand the emptiness Tristen endures since the loss of his beloved Maggie.
January 21, 2005
As I awoke, agonizing sorrow pierced my soul, sensing the woman I care for as no other emotionally dying inside. The human she loves and has bestowed her heart to betrayed her. The bastard has found comfort in another. The beast living within my mind and my body wants only to destroy the human limb by limb. Yet, I fear his death will cause Jordan further anguish. Regardless, she screamed in rage that their marriage was over.
Hidden in the shadows, I listen as she sobs, crying herself to sleep. Gently, I touched her inner thoughts, needing to ease her pain, promising she shall never be alone, promising that for all eternity, I will keep her safe from harm.
Unable to bear her suffering another moment, I mentally willed her into a deep sleep and entered the dimly lit room. Taking a cool cloth, I wiped away the tears from her cheek. Unable to control my inner emotions, I kissed her lips, whispering words of comfort. Silently, I cursed. Now here I sit with the woman I adore, no longer tied to an unfaithful man. Nevertheless, because of the life I lead and the vow I made centuries ago, we can never be together. Wanting her to be at peace at least for a time, I planted a happy childhood memory into her mind. After setting safeguards to watch over her, I became one with the night. As I wiped all memory of my visit from Jordan’s subconscious, unbearable pain tore into my heart.
December 25, 2005
As darkness covered the earth, I awoke, a longing for her nearness consuming my inner self. Since our encounter two moons past, I’ve kept my presence hidden. Yet, each day, my strength to remain in the shadows grows weaker, my heart only wanting to be with the woman I love as no other. Once again, Jordan is spending the holiday with friends. I sensed they just arrived at their favorite pub to view the holiday parade.
Drawing in a breath, I glanced at the wrapped sachet upon my desk. As it glitters beneath the candle light, I ask myself, ‘Do you possess the courage to deliver your gift to her in person, unmask the truth of the past, and what you truly are? Do you dare reveal that she is the one you shall love for all eternity?’ Since the Halloween gala, I’ve sensed her loneliness, her frustration to remember the hidden secrets I’ve kept from her. One solitary moment that night, we were one mind, body and soul.
Nevertheless, my fear of the truth keeps me within this fortress I call a home. As I crush the gift between talon fingers, I curse fate.
Merry Christmas, Jordan, for you are always within my thoughts…